Friday, June 11, 2010
Brothers and bathtubs
When we found out that Jackson would be getting a little brother, I was elated! I can't put into words how badly I wanted Jackson to have a brother to grow up with, to wrestle with, to play sports with, to have a bond forever with.
Brayden was a bit of a surprise, although a very welcome one, and I was so nervous that Jackson was at the age where adjusting to such a big change would be traumatic. I hoped and prayed that Jackson would adapt to a new baby well, and nine months later, I can say he has never asked to send Brayden back!
Jackson loves his big brother role! He often says "Shh! Baby's sleeping!". Mind you, most times he says that very loudly! He also loves to pretend feed Brayden, with a real spoon. I don't think Brayden appreciates that the spoon is empty when it gets to his mouth! He pats Brayden's back when I am trying to rock him, he attempts to pick him up (!), he brings him toys (usually when Brayden has one Jackson wants so he does a trade off-sneaky!), he gives him kisses constantly and he loves to hold Brayden's hand.
Brayden ADORES his big brother! Now that he is super mobile, he is always crawling to wherever Jackson is. When I put him on the floor, he high-tails it to the playroom to play with Jack. Brayden thinks Jackson is the.funniest.person.ever! He just dies laughing at Jackson's silliness! Brayden loves to climb all over Jack and just be around him in general. He is exposed to so many things at 9 months that Jackson wasn't since he has Jack to show him the ropes! Brayden definitely looks up to his big brother already.
Watching them together truly makes my heart happy. God's timing is truly perfect, and I am so thankful that they are close in age.
I fully expect them to be best friends and thankfully,Jackson has that same idea! He has now started telling (instead of asking) Brayden that he is his best friend!
I look forward to watching their bond strengthen and their friendship grow.
I am so happy to be their Momma.
Jackson is doing pretty good. He has eaten well this week. His naps are still a little longer, but that may just be because he is playing hard when he is awake! He seriously has not slowed down much. Ryan is working on getting the backyard finished so that he has an enclosed play area and we are definitely looking forward to that!
Wednesday night I was playing with his hair and a couple of strands came out in my hands. I was home alone with the boys and I just stood there for a minute with his two little hairs in my hand. I'm sure I spoke to God for a moment and tried not to cry. Thankfully, he was too engrossed in Go, Diego, Go to notice :)
Pretty soon after, I gave him a bath. I washed his hair really good and no more came out. I catch myself running my hands through it often to see if more will. None yesterday but a little came out today.
Of course, we knew that this was coming, and even tried to make light of it (it's no big deal, it grows back, etc), but still. His hair is falling out. He will be bald.
I remember being in the waiting room at the clinic on the day Jackson was diagnosed and watching a young boy with a bald head walk by. My Mom could see the fear that I'm sure was radiating from me as he walked past us, and she said "Just one step at a time". Simple words, but I remind myself everyday. The big picture can be very daunting, we try to think very narrowly. We look towards the next treatment and nothing beyond. This makes the day-to-day slightly easier. We can pretend to be normal. So, a little boy with a not-by-choice bald head will be a constant reminder of everything that is not normal right now.
With that said, I know that the sooner his head is bald, the sooner it will be full of hair again. So we will embrace it the best we can and move on. This is not how I pictured our summer, driving back and forth to chemo treatments and watching my baby lose his hair, but I know there are brighter days ahead.
I am so proud of Jackson--he is being such a trooper through all of this! Children really are so resilient. He and Brayden really keep me and Ryan going. How could you be sad and mopey all day with these two guys around?? They brighten our days!
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.