Saying that seems like such an oxymoron, because really, watching your child get injected with medication that is so harmful that the person administering it is covered in head to toe protective clothing is not anyone's definition of "good".
Right at this moment, chemo does not seem good. It took my baby's hair away. It makes him tired. It makes his appetite diminish. It makes him look pale and sick. It makes him throw up.
But, in six weeks, if this tumor has shrank, then chemo will be my best friend and I will sing its praises.
Perspective is a powerful thing. If we can focus on the good chemo can do instead of the ugly it is doing, then each day is more bearable.
Back to yesterday. We arrived bright and early, weighed in (holding steady at 35 lbs!), checked blood pressure (little high again this week, but not concerning) then the nurse accessed his port.
The HARDEST part of our chemo days--so far anyway--is getting Jackson's shirt off to access his port. I think he knows what's coming and he gets anxious, but he does not feel any pain when it is accessed due to the numbing cream we put on him before we leave home. Once we get past the shirt, he is usually fine. Whining or crying here and there, but for the most part he's happy.
After Jack's port was ready, the nurse drew blood and sent it downstairs to be checked. We waited for about 15 minutes and Dr. Ghisoli came back with a great report! We were SO happy and relieved that his counts were up high enough to stay for treatment. We really want to be able to stay on schedule with his chemo...so far, so good. His counts are just over 1,000 which means we can be a little more active, but still careful. Under 1,500 is considered slightly neutropenic (moderate risk of infection). Then, after more measurements and such with Dr. Ghisoli, we were on our way to our room.
Monday was our first experience being in the clinic alllll day long. Every third week Jackson gets three drugs and the most potent drug requires several hours of fluids and a rescue drug afterwards. He was hooked up to an IV (via his port) the whole time we were there, but he was a good sport! We played and watched movies to pass the time.
Thank you SO very much to everyone who prayed with us that his counts would be high enough to continue treatment. Prayers WORK and God is GOOD! I am so thankful for every single prayer. It is the best way you can help us.
{Helping push Brayden on the way in}
{First patient in the playroom!}
{Jack decided Brayden needed a kiss while we were waiting}
{Nurse Jenny measuring him}
{Already recovered from the traumatic shirt incident}
{Holding Brayden with help from Daddy while waiting on counts}
{Say Ahhhh...Dr. Ghisoli does an awesome Daffy Duck impression. It makes Jack laugh every time}
{Yay for high counts!!}
{That's determination in those gorgeous green eyes}
{His eyelashes stand out so much now}
{Lovin' his Yo Gabba Gabba}
{Building brothers}
{Wiped out at home}
{Playing with his new doctor's kit. Say Ahhhh Brayden}
{Time for your medicine!}
{Singing the Jackson song with Daddy}
After dinner and baths, the boys had a seriously awesome jam session. It was so much fun to watch Ryan and Jackson sing and dance. Brayden even banged his little head to the music! I have not laughed that hard in a long time.
Unfortunately, after having so much fun, the night ended a little rough. We were watching a movie together and Jack got sick for the first time. The nurse was right when she said the anti-nausea meds would work for 12 hours...they worked for exactly 12 hours and that's it.
Thankfully, the medication he gets every week is not known to cause vomiting at all (he isn't even given anti-nausea meds on those visits) so hopefully we won't have to experience this too much.
Jackson was such a big boy and handled it so well. I, on the other hand, went and cried in the bathroom while cleaning up. It is so heartbreaking to see him feel pain. I feel guilty even complaining about how hard it is to see him go through this, because he is being SO strong. The things he has endured like a champ...would have an adult crying crocodile tears. He is teaching me so much through this. His sweet spirit is my saving grace.
I suppose we must take the bad to get the good. Chemo in general, the side effects, the heartbreak...it will all be worth it a million times over when he is cancer-free.
♥♥♥
