Brayden at 3

Let's all just pretend that it hasn't been almost five months since I posted. Between two babies, two wild boys and a traveling husband, posting just took a major backseat! I have so many pictures to share and I desperately want to get back to it! Here we go...fingers crossed I don't disappear again ;)

For those wondering, Jackson has had 2 sets of clear scans (May and September) since my last post. 20 months cancer free!!! We are so thankful.

And....Chris from Where We Can Live Like Jack and Sally hooked me up! I love my new blog design and he was so super patient and helpful throughout the entire process. I have some work to do organizationally, but I am really happy with it!

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Brayden turned 3! He is the craziest, sweetest, silliest, most loving little boy. His favorites are touching my face while drinking milk (if he is watching cartoon at the same time it's a trifecta of happiness for him!), playing with Jackson and anything Spiderman.

He has a new love for puzzles, he doesn't eat meat except for turkey bacon and he has mad dance skills. I love him to the moon and back even though he is probably the main reason I have a standing appointment to get my hair colored. Lately he loves giving hugs and kisses (but never at the same time) so that makes up for some of the crazy :)

I "interviewed" him. I hope I can keep this up over the years so that we can go back and see how he grew and changed.

What's your name? Brayden (he pronounces it "Bwayden")

How old are you? 3! B! (he associates 3 and B)

What is your favorite color? Bwue

What is your favorite toy? Spiderman

What is your favorite fruit? Grapes

What is your favorite cartoon? The Spectacular Spiderman

What is your favorite things to eat for lunch? Papers (???)

What is your favorite game? Spiderman Halloween game

What is your favorite movie? Despicable Me

What is your favorite snack? Bananas

What is your favorite animal? Lion (roars)

What is your favorite song? Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (he sings it so cute)

What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play baseball

What is your favorite drink? Milk

What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Cereal bar (kids Clif bar)

What do you like to take to bed with you at night? Thor! (currently being held hostage so he will poo in the potty ;)

Who is your best friend? JACKSON!

What do you want to be for Halloween? Spiderman

What do you want to be when you grow up? Spiderman (there is a theme here...)

His birthday also happened to be his first day back at Mother's Day Out. Before school he woke up to balloons in his room (Spiderman and Batman, duh) and other decorations around the house which he loved. After dropping Jackson off at school (his starts earlier), Brayden and I had a birthday donut date in the front seat while we waited for his school to open. It's so funny how such little things make them so happy!

He had a great day at school and when I went to get him he had an awesome birthday hat on. His teachers gave him a little gift and also let him choose a prize for being so good, so he was on cloud nine! We picked up Gram for a Sonic stop, then after Jack was out of school we headed home. We picked up Ryan then headed out to Grandpa's farm to let the boys play a bit! We then headed to get Brayden's favorite for dinner--french fries ;) After that it was cupcakes, playing outside, baths, presents and bed. It was a great day and he is very excited to be 3!

{Officially 3!}

{I held out the candle for him to lick it...and he bit it. So different from his brother who wouldn't even consider licking his birthday candle!}

{Cupcake face!}

The Reaping.

Fair warning, if you did not read or see The Hunger Games, then parts of this post may not make sense.
Go HERE for a quick synopsis.

Tomorrow is scan day.

It's impossible to not be nervous, improbable that I won't want to cry on the drive to Dallas.

For some reason, it seems like forever since the last scans (in January). Granted, we have added two new members to our family and lost a lot of sleep since then, but usually it does not feel like such a long time in between scans.

When I read The Hunger Games, I was struck by the Reaping. How cruel it was to send these children into such a seemingly insurmountable situation as their parents just watched, utterly helpless.

And then to stand by, unable to do anything to make it go away, as their children fight the fight of their lives? Unbearable.

That's where I am.

I feel so helpless.

Helpless as we lay him on the table and watch him drift out of consciousness.

Helpless as we wait in the tiny room with too few chairs and old magazines, trying to distract ourselves as the machines work over him.

Helpless as we sit in front of the doctors, analyzing their body language and looks in their eyes in the moments before they speak, trying to determine if it will be good news or bad news.

Helpless. I thought it would get easier as time goes on and we get more clear scans under our belt (thankful is not a big enough word for what we feel for those clear scans) but it just doesn't. We know our world could be upside down again in a matter of seconds. And we remember all too well what that upside down world feels like.

I used to follow so many fighters like Jackson, through blogs or Facebook. There are a couple that I still do keep up with, either because they are local or I've connected with the moms, but other than that I just can't. It's all too real and too close to home. It's kind of like how you think to yourself "Oh I can't imagine how that feels" but then you realize, yes you sure can imagine. Pretty much a sucker punch.

The Reaping could be an analogy for childhood cancer. So many people have felt unbearable pain and had so many helpless moments as they watched their precious, loved, adored, special child fighting so hard to just LIVE. Unfair doesn't even begin to cover it.

We are so blessed to still be here, to still be fighting. A lot of families are not so lucky. Not a day goes by that I don't look at Jackson and just feel in awe of what he has already accomplished at age 4. Sometimes that happens after he has been in time out for stealing Spiderman from his brother, but it happens nonetheless!

We serve a Mighty God, one that is working on me every day to lean on Him instead of feeling helpless. I am asking you to join us in prayer that Jackson's scans are 100% clear tomorrow!!

And, this guy could use your prayers right now. Such an amazing kid with unshakable faith.

Our day tomorrow looks like this: check in at 8:00, MRI at 9:00, CT at 10:00, clinic visit at 11:00. Then we head to a different part of Dallas for a visit with a pediatric dermatologist to check out Jack's foot.

I'll be back soon with results and some pictures!

Thank you for praying!

Still here.

We're still here! Surviving. Even thriving some days. Alot of days, actually.

I would NEVER say having 4 kids 4 and under is easy...but it's not as hard as I thought (feared) it would be.

Probably 5 out of 7 days we don't leave the house but that's ok. When we get stircrazy I just remind myself it's just a phase and before we know it, we'll be all over town at baseball, soccer and dance.

The babies are doing really good. Lyla had some major weight gain issues but hopefully we are on the downhill part of that struggle. At their 2 month appt she was almost 8lbs and Landry was almost 10lbs. They are starting to look around alot, notice their mobile, hold their heads up and just generally be awake and alert instead of snoozing all day. Thankfully though, there is still quite a bit of napping going on! We've had a couple of hospital stays, one for phototherapy and one for fever/congestion.

The big boys are also doing well. Jackson is super excited right now about everything school-related (they go to MDO one day a week). He's very into numbers and letters, and he constantly talks about getting frog stickers so he can go to the treasure box! Brayden is really warming up to the babies (he never acted badly towards them, just indifferent). He tells them he loves them now but seems to think both of them are named Landry :)

We have really been focusing on spending time with just the big boys, separately and together. When one of us has to run into town, we'll grab one of them to ride with us for a little alone time. We've also had a few outings...Disney on Ice (courtesy of Medical City!) and The Lorax. There have been a few park trips and some playing outside as well!

I think overall we are all adjusting well! Here are several pictures in no particular order. I would love to caption them all but duty calls!!






































{A friend that is stationed overseas sent this to the boys. Pretty cool!!}

Praises and Pictures.

A few praises from the past two plus weeks...

Jackson's scans came back CLEAR! He has had one full year of clear scans which is HUGE. Thank you for all the prayers and good thoughts!

Also, the dermatologist called and told us that the second shave of his foot was successful...they got every bit of the mole.

And.......these sweet things made their appearance.



Landry and Lyla, born 1/21/12, twelve minutes apart.






{Last minute belly shot. 37 weeks.}


{Last picture as a family of four.}


{♥}


{Brayden was more interested in his train at first but he loves his babies.}


{Jackson on the other hand has been in love with his baby brother and sister from the start.}


{It's gonna be crazy at our house...but so worth it.}

Go to www.marieq.com/blog to see a couple of shots from our newborn pictures today!